


Tu Me Manques

by NarryLyft



Category: N/A - Fandom
Genre: AU, Bottom!Shawn, Dunkirk, Forbidden Love, Gay, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Shawn - Freeform, War, fionn - Freeform, fionn whitehead - Freeform, mendes, shawn mendes - Freeform, top!fionn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-14 23:26:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 13
Words: 2,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29799471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NarryLyft/pseuds/NarryLyft
Summary: wherein a young man is shipped off to war and is forced to leave his young lover behind. (FAWN)
Relationships: Fionn Whitehead/Shawn Mendes





	1. Chapter 1

"Fionn, do you think this is wrong? For two boys... To be together like this?"

"Do you think it is?"

"I... I don't know. That's why I'm asking you."

"Well I don't think it is. I love you, Shawn. And you love me. It's not our faults for feeling this way, if anyone tried to come in between that, fuck them."

"Language! Besides, mom and dad have already prohibited me from seeing you."

"Then why are you here? With me? Hand joined with mine? Head resting over my heart? Shawn, you cannot deny that your feelings get the best of you sometimes."

"I love my parents, don't get me wrong. But you... You make me so happy, Fionn. I don't understand it, I'd rather not, but you really do make me happy."


	2. 2

May 24, 1940

I've never been the type to write my feelings down, but being alone in a town with people living in fear and anticipation has forced me to do so. Not one day goes by where I don't see a woman on the street crying, crying because her husband or a male relative had left the country.

Yes, almost the entire population of males had been sent off to war. It was chaotic at first, soldiers would show up at doorsteps heavily armed. Threatening to kill anyone in the household if the man or men they had came for refused to cooperate with authorities, it was scary.

It disgusted me how our justice system could just send our protectors to homes and just make them point guns at people.

I was not home at the time of this going on, I had been out by the river alone. Why? Well I've always had issues with dealing with myself, I liked to clear my mind in a place where there was nobody around most of the time.

I distinctly remember Fionn, the paperboy, who also happened to be a special someone to me, tell me he had to leave in order to prevent any kind of suspicion to form in his family. I had let him go and stayed.

And it was one of things I've regretted, one of the things I've done that made me miss him.


	3. 3

May 25, 1940

19...

He was only 19 when he was forced to join the army, maybe that seemed like an appropriate age to some but not me. He was young, hell, he even looked younger than that. I remember our first encounter, he was riding around on his bicycle selling newspapers.

He was a poor boy, the most he'd make a day would be roughly around twenty pounds, maybe even fifty if he were lucky. He often passed by my house and always gave me the charming smile he had.

I miss him.

"He's poor!"

"He's dirty!"

"He's a fag! Always preying on young boys!"

"Disgusting!"

Those were common things I heard around the dinner table whenever my parents would talk about him, which was quite often. We were considered the privileged kind of family, not rich, but making it.

I never understood the grudge my family held against him, he was just doing what he had to do.

But of course, they judged no matter what. They've always observed our encounters, always seen the way Fionn's looked at me. It was different from the way he'd look at anyone else.

A certain light shined in his eyes, a bright smile on his face, slight crinkles in his eyes, slightly rosy cheeks... It was definitely different.   
He wasn't much of a talker in the beginning, he was actually quite shy. But whenever he'd pass by my neighborhood, I'm pretty sure that he made it his goal to always see me.

Whether I'd be paying attention or not, he always wanted to see me.

I didn't find it unusual, quite the opposite. At the time, I didn't think too much of it. I just thought that he wanted to be friends.

But little did I know that he seeked for more than just a friendship.


	4. 4

May 26, 1940

I often find myself dreaming about him, reminiscing the memories we had shared in the past together. It had been a couple days since he had left and I'll admit that I haven't been doing well.

I miss his captivating brown eyes, his crooked but somehow cute teeth that shined every time he smiled, his luscious curly hair that I ran my hands through quite often, even his little mole was something I found cute.

It's only now that I realise how foolish and oblivious I had been during the first few encounters we had, him being nineteen and knowing way more things than I, a sixteen year old, would know might've been a factor.

He did write a song for me, and his voice could never be accurately described with words. His voice was angelic, definitely a little higher than the stereotypical masculine voice was, but nonetheless I had fallen in love with his uniqueness.

He was too poor to afford a guitar so I always let him use mine, and I never let anyone touch it. But he was special, he had a love for music like me. We had never sung together seriously so I would never know if we were compatible, but to be frank, I thought his voice was much better than mine.

I hear his voice every night in my dreams, I didn't think it was creepy, but I did. I don't know if that's a sign or something, but it helps me get by every night.

I know he's fighting for our country... But I wish it was just me who had him. I wanted him all to myself and I'm sure he wanted vice versa, he and I were so perfect together. So... In sync. He was my rock, my inspiration, my everything...

I miss him.


	5. 5

TO: SHAWN

FROM: FIONN

"Another scary day  
Another terrifying situation  
I should be brave, I know

But I wanna go home  
I've got to go home  
Let me go home

I'm just too far  
From where you are  
I gotta come home

Let me come home  
I've had my run  
Baby I'm done

I wanna come home"

I'll be back soon, mon amour.


	6. 6

TO: FIONN

FROM: SHAWN

" Take a piece of my heart  
And make it all your own  
So when we are apart

You'll never be alone  
You'll never be alone  
You'll never be alone

When you miss me close your eyes  
I may be far but never gone  
When you fall asleep tonight

Just remember that we lay under the same stars."

I will wait for you, for as long as it takes.


	7. 7

May 26, 1940

The war was getting worse, worse than I could ever imagine. News had spread across town that our army was currently stranded and struggling at sea, the second I heard it, my heart started pounding. I couldn't help but feel so much concern for Fionn, he hadn't sent me a letter yet.

How was he able to do this the first time you may ask?

Well I don't know, but he somehow found a way to do so. But now... He somehow wasn't able to. I was scared for my life, my adrenaline pumping, my anxiety bubbling and just getting worse to be blunt.

There was another boy in this town who he felt the same way, it was a boy who lived across the street who was named Harry. Apparently he's had a secret relationship with a man who had left for the war as well, Niall Horan. Who was a little older than him and was also poor.

That felt oddly coincidental.

The two of us often met up to share our feelings, it somehow made us feel a little better but nothing could truly make us happy. Not if our lovers were definitely in danger.

But enough about that... This is about me and Fionn.

I still miss him.


	8. 8

May 27, 1940

I'm going out of my mind at this point, this is all too much for me to handle. How is it? Me and Fionn had only started a relationship for about three days before he had to leave, how did he have such an effect on me?!

I'm too young to understand the concept of love, I refuse to believe that love does this to a person. But maybe I am in love? He's all I seem to think about these days, just him in general, nothing specific, just him.

Just not being able to know about his wellbeing takes me to my breaking point, I always wonder if he's eaten, if he's thinking about me too, if he's really in love with me, he's my world and everything that's on my mind.

I don't fucking care about what anyone says! Fionn is my partner, I love him! I should've been better to him, how could I have not cherished him enough when he was still around? How could I have done that? I should have!

I don't think I'd ever understand why he loved me, why he chose me. But nonetheless I m grateful that he did choose me, he's just a wonderful man.

If he ever does come back, I'm marrying him.

I don't care if he's already an adult and I'm nothing but a child comparing our ages, I'm marrying him. Anyone and everyone can call me crazy...

But I just miss him.


	9. 9

June 1, 1940

More people were sent out to the battlefield, word had gotten around that the soldiers had to be evacuated. I didn't know if this was true or not, but it did give me a bit of hope. It really did. Fionn's coming home!

I was delighted when I heard the news, I actually felt alive again. I was so excited to know that the soliders were coming back, it was only right, I had heard that the war had been getting out of hand. It was only right they come back!

Most of the lads that had left were quite lanky but they had no choice to leave, I felt bad for them.

But no matter! They are coming back anyway, I don't know when, but they are.

Even so... I still miss him.


	10. 10

June 2, 1940

They're coming back.

Fionn's coming back.

I'll get to see him.

Be in his arms.

Kiss him.

Just be with him.

Happily.

I know that some may say that I should be looking out for myself, finding a much wealthier person to be with for my future. But not everything is about money, I know being with a poor man wouldn't do my future any good but I honestly don't care.

I just want him. I love him more than anything. I don't care if it's wrong, the fucking church is wrong!

It's okay to like a man when you yourself are one, it wouldn't be your fault if you start feeling things. Why must they deceive? Lie? Make people like me ashamed?

I'm not sick, I know I love him. And I know he loves me.

He's comng back for me, he said so.

As happy as it made me to think about him coming back, I still remember that he's not yet returned and it just makes me miss him more.


	11. 11

June 3, 1940

The remaining authorities in town had informed everyone of the possible date of the arrival, or when the recruited soldiers would return. Which was tomorrow. I was truly convinced that my lover was coming back, he was coming back for me like he said he would!

I'm only sixteen, what do I know about love? Nothing. But how am I supposed to learn without experience? People often say that love is the strongest force in the whole world and cannot be overruled by anything else. And honestly, that just proves my point: I was madly in love.

I could already see it now: a bright sunny day is when me and Fionn would get married. Of course secretly, maybe in the woods where it was peaceful and there'd be no one to stand in our way.

And before you jump to judgements, people much younger than me get married. So don't call me crazy. I love this man.

"I saw you the other day and your face had took my breath away. It's true."

Those were the words he said to me the day after our first encounter, sung to me actually. I had never been so flustered in my life, I remember being so embarrassed by how red I looked. But to be truthful, he was the only one who has been able to make me feel so...

Special.

I had never felt like I belonged here, especially since I was considered a foreigner. I never understood why my parents took me to England when my life in Canada was just fine, but I am pretty grateful. I never would've met Fionn.

Fionn. Fionn. Fionn. Fionn.

The name I whisper night after night, the boy I dream of, the person I yearn to touch and just kiss, the soldier I wished would come back home safely.

I really do miss him...


	12. 12

"Mr. Mendes! Mrs. Mendes! Have you heard the news?! The soldiers have returned!"

"Shawn, Shawn! Where do you think you're going! Get back here!"

"No, no, no, no, no! Where is he? He said he'd come back! Where is he?! Why isn't he coming off the boat?!"

"That's the last of them, lad. Whoever it is yer talkin' bout prolly din' make it."

"No! He did! He promised me he'd come back!"


	13. 13

June 4, 1975

I often think back to that day where I lost everything. And yes, I considered him to be my everything. It's been thirty-five years, you'd think that I'd be able to let go of him after all this time, but I never got over it, over him.

I never got married, I never had children like I wished to as a young adult. I wanted a family with him, I didn't want to settle with anyone but him. Knowing that it wasn't possible, I gave up on love, knowing that I would never feel the way I did with Fionn with someone else.

He was shot in the heart, his blood splattered on the letter I had sent him that he apparently always kept with him.

How could people be so cruel? How could a person be driven to kill? Why did the world have to be so chaotic? He was taken away from me just because of the damn greed of Germans! It's hard to believe it, it was like his life meant nothing.

He was brave, he gave up his life just for our country to be free from conflict.

I'll admit, I was mad about it at first. But as time went by, the anger only lowered to sadness. I just wished that I could've seen him one last time, not in a coffin.

I'll join him soon so I won't have to miss him anymore.


End file.
